#11 Hark! Chivalry vs Pansy-ness [21 Aug 2006|01:19pm] Okay kiddies, today's lesson will be on chivalry. To fully understand this article, you will first need to know what the hell chivalry is. Chivalry: courtesy towards women. Some of you may laugh at this and think, "What the fuck? We need to respect women?" If you are one of these people, please buy a ticket to Saudi Arabia and have a nice dip in a pool of their chauvinist beliefs. Okay, so.. let's plunge deeper in. After a female has been one-night-standed, she might be wondering where the hell all the chivalrous men have gone. Well, maybe they got tired of waiting. If you think you are a nice guy, listen up. Most men are attracted to well, DEEP BREATH, physically attractive women. Assumption: Most women are attracted to men that are self-confident, snarky, and "haWt." That or men that dress rather flamboyantly (correct me if I'm wrong because sharing is caring.) And when I say flamboyant, I mean gay. So, let's think about this. Nice guys are useless in their teenage years. You don't need to find the perfect girl. The odds of you marrying your "high school sweetheart" are pretty god damn low. Wait until women want to get married (mid twenties), then they will flock to you. Go live life. Get into some mischief. But do not, and I repeat again for emphasis, DO NOT waste your time on a female that brings you more trouble then pleasure. It's pointless. You're a fucking teenager. Pull your head out of your ass. Being a pushover and being tact are two different things. You don't need to take bullshit from girls. You don't need to listen to them nag all day. You don't need to do them ridiculous favors. You don't need to take any of this crap. Learn to distinguish when you are being a good person and when are just being a pansy. Taking care of a drunk female friend is chivalrous. Paying for dinner is chivalrous (but not if you pay every time--then you're just whipped.) Bros before hoes. Always. Unless that ho is your wife. There is no point to brood over a woman. Do you think that wasting your time over them is going to make them attracted to you? No, you ignorant sap. First impressions mean a lot. You see a girl. Be cavalier. Now, take those shitty poems out of your profile. Go hang out with those friends that you haven't spent time with because you've been too busy being an emotional wreck. I'm sick of seeing guys who waste their time over women that aren't attracted to them. This not only puts the female in an awkward position, but leaves the male feeling like a dumbass. And please, leave all burqas at the door. This is an Egalitarian blog. All suggestions and insults may be directed toward the comment section of this blog. Please leave your name as commenting anonymously will only just prove that you're one of those pansies that refuses to take those "<333" out of his profile. Flameshield on. 3 comments| comment

Yes. Yes, we are a back. [23 May 2006|05:34pm] If you're really having trouble, here's a book that seems interesting. The Complete Asshole's Guide to Handling Chicks I have not read/bought the book but you can go for it and tell us if you find it enlightening. comment

#10 Deception of perception. [16 Jan 2006|07:08pm] Advice #10 Let’s talk about perception – how men perceive women, that is. There are many methods of awing a woman but most of them revolve around how you perceive that special someone—and how she perceives herself. Always be honest with yourself and with her. Don’t tell her what she wants to hear if it’s not true. Each woman wants to shine in her own special light; beautiful, humorous, intelligent, and whatever else she may be. If you truly appreciate her for who she is, there is no need to tell lies to make her smile. Not every woman you meet will be compatible with you so don’t change yourself to fit her special personality. The charade can only go on for so long and when it ends, one of you will end up hurt. Why start something you know will end up horribly wrong? Almost every male brain works the same. Men see an attractive woman and go crazy. If that’s all you are looking for in a significant other, then that is all you will get. If you take the time to get to really know the person for who she is, you will know what you are getting yourself into and you can decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship. You don’t want to wake up one day with somebody you hardly know. Get to know her. Beauty is only skin deep. Don’t let your hormones take advantage of your brain. Be reasonable. Follow your heart but have your mind guide it. 8 comments| comment

#9 Wipe the Klingons off Uranus. [16 Jan 2006|07:02pm] Advice #9 Clinginess [from the root word clingy]: see clingy . Most guys see this as one of their biggest flaws. Why shouldn't they? Clinginess is a product of many factors. The most obvious factor is not giving her proper space. Agreed, you should show intimate signs around her, but don't push it. Cute remarks and subtle compliments can really get the ball rolling, but excessive use of them will soon get annoying and give you a flat tire. Don't over-compliment her. As the compliments get old, they also lose meaning. Save them for special occasions and moments. On another note, you cannot and should not at any time become over protective. Give her liberty and let her be independent. Let her have fun [but if she's looking for fun because you're boring... that's another story]. You shouldn't be scared about being clingy, though. Your signs of affection can really make her feel special, so do NOT make it seem like you have lost interest. The factors to clinginess can really help you, so don't get the impression that they are bad! It is better to be a little clingy than to be a little careless. Just don't overthink all your actions and don't force things to happen. Be natural and let things flow.* *Based on accounts of being clingy, and then careless. 3 comments| comment

#8 Dream on [16 Jan 2006|05:57pm] Advice #8 You could find a girl by being co-stars in a movie. Afterwards, date your co-star, and then get married. If you're a true celebrity, break it off a year later. ...but I do hope Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling stay together. Oh so very cute! <3 3 comments| comment

#7 Approaching a girl. [28 Sep 2005|10:43pm] Advice #7* There are many different ways to approach a girl. Depending on what type of girl she is, there are few ways to catch a lady's eye: 1. Be a man and step up to the girl, you moron! That’s why God (sorry Evolutionists) gave men a gift that girls don't have: our balls. What more to say than that? Hey, maybe she'll make you feel stupid inside, but she'll find it somewhat attractive knowing that you can stand up for what you feel. 2. Everyone loves the feeling of being liked by any person, whether you admit it or not. It doesn't even matter what kind of league you’re in or vice versa. The feeling of being “likable” really makes your heart go warm. [Don't act like you don't like that feeling, ‘cause deep down inside, you know it feels superb.] What I'm trying to say is, if you like the person, eventually tell them. Don’t keep it a secret forever and then two years later go “Oh, did you know back in the day I used to like you?” No, I'm not talking about spreading rumors purposely to get the girl’s attention ‘cause that's corny, or writing letters ‘cause that’s for girls, my good man. Sure, it isn't easy. Perhaps you're shy, or you're way too nervous that you know you'll stutter if you dare approach them, but you'll be better off doing it. Trust me, you'll never know how the apple of your eye feels until you let them know how you feel first. Guys, be the first one to step up first. Don't let a girl start everything, ‘cause that'll make you the girl. 3. If you plan on talking to a girl, you have to have a legitimate, well-thought up, and relevant conversation that you guys could engage into. Without it, you [as a potential couple] won't last long. Think up of a subject where the both of you can talk for more than a half-hour, preferably not manly subjects [unless of course you like an overly manly girl]. These conversations will most likely be cherished, remembered, and recollected throughout your relationship if it evolves into a great friendship. One of the more fool-proof subjects, which work the best, is to ask questions about her. Doing so, you’ll not only learn more about her, but when it comes to another time to talk, you can talk about subjects she favors, which hopefully lead to more questions and the continued conversations. *Brought to you by Andrew Nguyen, Tennyson High School Hayward, CA. 3 comments| comment

#6 Pick up lines. [28 Sep 2005|05:23pm] Advice #6 To be successful in the use of pick up lines, we all must know when and how to use them. Technically speaking, there are two different types of pick up lines: lame and sweet (all of course with their own usage). Let's talk about lame first. A lame pick up line is one that's been heard at least more than 10 times. There are times when lame ones work, when you're just flirting with the girl. You have to make sure she knows that you're joking when you use it, or else she'll just think you're lame. After using one, for example "Do you have a band-aid? 'Cause I just fell for you!", put a laugh or two after it. Sweet pick up lines are usually the ones you make up by yourself. They usually come naturally into the situation or conversation. For example, if a girl is asking you for help on her calculator, to find a certain button or something else, say like "Hit 2nd then 1, 4, and 3!" Or, if she's asking you a math question like "What's 12 x 9?" respond with "143." Meaningful lyrics are often a great supplier for pick up lines. When creating one, it should be unique but majorly sweet! -- Pick up line help? Message Dr. John Bosco, PhD in pick-up line science. 8 comments| comment

#5 Hugging/flirting with girls. [27 Sep 2005|11:26pm] Advice #5 Don't be jerk offs or perverted... chicks don't dig that. Be friendly and flirt on and off, but don't try way too hard, either. Give occasional hugs when the opportunity permits, and slowly you'll be shrugging the hugging... they'll come to you when they need support too. When you hug, do not sustain the embrace longer than intended. It will creep the girls out, and don't grab their butts either, unless you want to get slapped.* SQUEEZE ME!** When you've created close lady friends; you can slowly show some dirty minded jokes. Lines such as "Squeeze me!" will only work after you bridge some type of bond. *based on true experiences **based on personal accounts 9 comments| comment

#4 For girls who wear skirts in class. [27 Sep 2005|11:07pm] Advice #4* Sometimes, there will be girls who wear skirts to school 'cause they want to look dandy. If you're lucky [like me], you'll sit across the room from them facing their legs. If the girl somehow stretches her legs horizontally, try not to look, 'cause sometimes you might not be expecting the expected; but if you must look, fine, it's natural. However, after class is over. Do not go to her and tell her you were staring at her crotch the whole period. *based on true experiences 1 comment| comment

#3 For a MySpace-whore-ey girl. [27 Sep 2005|11:02pm] Advice #3 For picture comments: When a girl asks you to comment her picture, elaborate with something more than just "pretty" or "nice." If she really likes you, she'll look for a more in-depth comment like "wow I really like your hair. it looks wonderful." It's not a great idea to start comment conversations with other people like "I totally disagree with Bob," because Bob might respond back and vice versa. (It just becomes a mess and it's not about the girl anymore.) My point? Keep your comments to the point but not too simple. For normal comments: Some girls find it annoying when you comment her the same thing over and over again. It's just persistent and boring after about three times. For example, Comment #1: Wow you're so beautiful. Comment #2: You're so fucking beautiful. Comment #3: You make me smile. Comment #4: Dang girl, you're hella hot. I suppose girls want to be acknowledged for things other than their aesthetic values. The cool-intelligent-mature girls on MySpace will ridicule you if you type like an iNtErNeT nUb. Yeah, those sticky caps are not "in" anymore. The capital letters + lower-case i's aren't "in" either. Most girls want guys who can type correctly and spell well. 2 comments| comment

#2 For a girl who thinks she's fat. [27 Sep 2005|09:42pm] Advice #2 A girl who thinks she's fat [when she's not] obviously doesn't know how to use the scale. Scenario #1 When a girl asks you, "Do I look fat in this?"; you should answer neutrally or with a "no comment" type of answer. Why? If you were to say "no", then she might be "so I look fat in other things but not this?" If you say "yes", then wow you're fucked. Scenario #2 When girls ask if they "look fat" or state that they're ugly when they aren't, they're fishing for comments. You can do one of three things now. A) Give her what she wants. NO not sex, a compliment. Tell her she's beautiful and make her smile so she'll stop asking these ridiculous things. B) Joke about it and change the subject. Tell her that she should lay off the weed or something. C) Hand her a paper bag. Using "C" would probably merit you a slap. Take notes: Girls would much rather be called thin and fit rather than anorexic and skeletal. 4 comments| comment

#1 For the music junkie girls. [27 Sep 2005|08:52pm] Advice #1 Recite deep lyrics if she's a music junkie. For example: There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me And after all, you're my wonderwall Oasis - Wonderwall I highly advise you don't use rap lyrics. For example Fine bitches if you listening you heard me, I'm strong If you going through your cycle, I ain't with it, I'm gone You must have heard about them hoes that I beat up in my home They wasn't telling the truth baby, you know they was wrong Juvenile - Slow Motion* I'm sure getting abused may appeal to some women but the majority would not be POSITIVELY awed by these lyrics. *EDIT: Thank you Quyen for these wonderful lyrics. Keep "jiggy jiggy jerkin.." 5 comments| comment

Pimps for life. [27 Sep 2005|08:50pm] [c]2005 by John Bosco, Rayman Singh, and Andrew Tran. DISCLAIMER: We, in no way, endorse the use of these tips to "get some." These tips are for 'nice guys' and guys who will treat their women properly (unlike Mr. Juvenile.) 2 comments| comment

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